Blog
06.12
Relationships in the Real World: The 52-Connection Challenge
Erin Groover and I recently attended a networking event hosted by The University of Texas at Austin’s College of Communication. The event was to connect fellow UT alumni to their industry peers in Dallas. Dr. John Daly, our former communications professor and well-known campus personality, was the keynote speaker for the event.
Dr. Daly is a dynamic professor and his Interpersonal Communication class of 500 people is always filled to capacity. His lectures detail and analyze all types of relationships – personal, business, awkward, breakups, makeups, family – everything! Needless to say, this class was extremely popular for students in all majors and Erin and I were excited to slip back into college mode (ah, those were the days) to hear what Dr. Daly had to say about relationships in the “real world.”
Making a first (and lasting) impression. When you meet a person for the first time, make a point to repeat their name multiple times in the conversation to remember their name. For example: “It’s so great to see you Kenneth”, “Kenneth, may I get you a drink?” “Kenneth, where is your office located?”
When being introduced to someone or introducing yourself, be sure to tell the person that “it is/was so nice to see you” NOT “it is/was so nice to meet you.” You never know if you have met them before or if you should know who they are (all people think they are important!)
Be careful of your words. To avoid bringing up sore subjects unintentionally, ask “What’s new in your life?” instead of specific questions relating to relationships, family members and employers. How many times have we asked about a pet just to see a sad look wash across our friend’s face because Sparky had to be put to sleep last week? As human beings, we want to know people on a personal level, but if we haven’t seen them in a while, they might not have the boyfriend, job or even husband they had the last time you saw them.
BFFs. Networking is about making friends for life. When you are given a business card, quickly write a note on the back to distinguish them from the other friends you’ve met. For example, John mentioned in your brief conversation that he and his wife were avid runners and volunteers at an animal shelter. Write “running” and “dogs” quickly on the back of John’s business card. Next time you see a flyer for a 5K run benefitting the local SPCA, you can call John and ask if he’s participating. If anything, this will help spur conversation for you and your new friend the next time you get together.
Invest in people. Let’s say you are running for office of President of the United States of America. Sarah contributes $100 to your campaign. Paul gives you $1,000. Which person are you more likely to hire to your cabinet? The answer is Paul! He invested more in you, so you know you can go to him for anything because he values you more. This is how you invest in people: If someone asks you for a favor – do it and don’t expect anything in return. If they ask you for a second favor – do it again and don’t expect even a “thank you.” Doing little favors here and there over time will add up to a great amount (think $1,000 versus $100).
By investing in someone, you will feel a great reward because that person will feel as though they have “adopted” you as their own. They might come to you for everything – favors, advice, but in the end, they will ultimately value you more, just like you would choose Paul over Bob for your cabinet, just because Paul invested in you more. People want to adopt people and people want to be valued. Be an investor in people – you will be valued and it will reap rewards in the end.
Thinking of You. Keep in touch with new contacts and friends by sending thoughtful notes, articles, and events of interest to let them know you’re thinking about them. Dr. Daly described an incident where he and a colleague were on a flight back from a business trip. Instead of talking the whole trip back, Dr. Daly’s colleague got out a stack of magazines and began skimming pages. Once in a while she would rip out articles and photos, carefully attaching a sticky note with a name to each one. When Dr. Daly asked what she was doing, she merely responded with, “I’m staying in touch.” She made a point to cut out articles of interest to send to friends and business contacts every time she was traveling on a plane. When she got home, she would mail them the article, along with a handwritten note to stay in touch. Think about the last time you received a handwritten note, much less a cut-out, hard copy (gasp!) article? This is thoughtful and rare – and will make you stand out.
Dr. Daly left us with a challenge and I’d like to extend that challenge to the entire HCK2 blogosphere community. Try to make one connection per week with either a new or existing contact for one year. That is 52 connections (52 weeks in a year) with people you don’t talk to or see on a regular basis. I’ll allow emails, text messages, Facebook messages and an occasional tweet, but try to send at least a few handwritten notes (even if it’s only to your grandmother).
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